The Last Song

I will save the movie analysis for later. Right now I want to focus on the subject of Miley Cyrus' mouth.

It's weird. She has a snaggle tooth, lisp, overbite and her lips alternate which one will be bigger than the other at any given time. She can't close her mouth. In serious times, you can certainly count on Miley to let her jaw hang open.

Apart from the fact that her two front teeth are crossed, she has vampire teeth that go in the opposite direction. Instead of fangs coming down. Her fangs go into her gums. This makes it impossible to take her seriously. Which brings me to The Last Song.

Horrible. Absolutely horrible. In the entire cast there are only two people I like. One dies. The other is heart broken. But no matter, Miley gets the guy! I mean, I should have known. It IS Nicholas Sparks.

Set in the beautiful Tybee Island, Georgia, The Last Song follows Ronnie (Miley Cyrus), an angsty, black skinny jean wearer with multiple necklaces and spikes on her belt. She has purposely flunked her classes, SATs and refuses to go to Julliard because her parents got divorced. So her mom sends her and her adorable brother to stay with her dad for the summer. Not only does she act like a stuck up brat for the first 45 minutes, but she acts the part of a stuck up brat poorly. Overbite and all, Miley's random outbursts and violent mood swings are more comical than anything.

SHOCKINGLY! She meets this guy. SURPRISINGLY! There are a couple of not so complicated complications. SADLY! They break up. MIRACULOUSLY! They get back together.

He probably stayed with her because...well how do I put this to the Hannah Montana fans?... she looked like a nightwalker. In every outfit she wore, her bra was an outward accessory. She consistently wore belly shirts, nasty huge black boots (note the teen angst) and her hair in some "thrown together" fashion.

When Scenes

WHEN the brother is trying to finish the stain glass window.

WHEN Miley's boyfriend's ex-girlfriend comes to the funeral, says 'sorry for your loss' in a monotone and leaves.

WHEN the brother brings Miley and her man friend breakfast, soldier style.

WHEN the brother and the dad interact at any point.

QUICKIES

"I don't want to be just another girl in the parade of girls..." — Ronnie (Miley Cyrus)

Fun Facts:

Taylor Lautner was considered to play Miley's love interest....and just when you thought it couldn't get any worse....