The Five Best Things About 'Twilight'

As those of you who read this blog know, I'm not the biggest fan of Twilight. I think most of my dislike stems from the fact that people try and compare the series to Harry Potter. Read the first chapter of the first book and anyone with a brain could tell you that such statements are more than just a little false. A wise person once tweeted something along the lines of "Harry Potter is about the fight of good versus evil and Twilight is about teenage hormones and not wearing a shirt."

And while I agree with that statement as well as many other negative statements made about Twilight, I still plan on seeing what will sadly end up being November's biggest hit, Breaking Dawn Part 1. There's just something about these films that entices me to view each one at least once. While trying to figure out what causes me to do such things I have come up with a list of the five best things about Twilight.

1) Parodies
If you haven't seen this video put together by two sisters that created the company Hillywood Productions, then you haven't truly experienced life before this day. I was amazed at not only the complexity of costumes and editing, but also the quality of the actors and their ability to duplicate some of the most hilarious Twilight moments. The video is about 13 minutes long, but well worth your time.




2) Jasper
This is definitely the best character in the whole series. He is first described as "the blond one who always looks like he's in pain." And he does look like he's just been punched in the gut every time I see him. I also like how in the second film he had a freak out because Bella got a paper cut, and yet they claim he is ok to go to high school? If every time I got a paper cut in math class some strange, pale kid leapt over a desk to suck it dry for me, I might find that a little disturbing...though some of the kids that went to my high school weren't any less weird.

3) Constipated Faces
Almost every single character in these movies must have to drop a deuce every time they're on screen. I'm not sure what it is about being a vampire that makes you have to go to the bathroom all the time. Maybe it's eating all that human flesh. But mostly the vampires seem to just drink a lot of blood...so wouldn't they just have to pull a number one? I guess the faces they're making are supposedly pained looks because their lives of being attractive, being able to run a one minute mile and having nice cars are simply too challenging.

4) No, no, no, nooooo
Ok probably my favorite scene from any of the Twilight films occurred at the end of the first one. After Bella gets attacked by this crazed vamp, Edward tells her he's leaving town to protect her from further harm. Young Bella does not like this response and proceeds to freak out, potentially having a mini-seizure. The scene I'm talking about occurs between 5.20 and 6.30 of this video.


5) Taylor Lautner's lack of clothing
This one is not on here because I particularly care for his abs. I just find it hilarious that every time he walks outside he feels the need to strip. I'm sure Twilight fans will quickly remind me that he takes off his shirt so he doesn't rip it when he morphs into a wolf, but what about his pants? If he was really trying to preserve his clothing, he would strip inside like a decent member of society and then jump out of the house while he's transforming so no one has to look at his junk. It's pretty clear that he remains topless so Bella will find his rippling muscles appealing, but clearly she prefers scrawny, moody men who lack a tan so you're out of your league here Jacob.

So there you have it. My top five favorite things about Twilight. What are yours? And please don't respond telling me that the story is what keeps you coming back for more.